The Best of Comrus: The Parenthetical Mall of America Food Court Rant

This post originally appeared on January 21, 2007 at http://weblog.xanga.com/ComRus/564723019/item.html. 

Oh, yeah.  A weblog.  I used to have one of those.  I’m not sure what happened to it.  Maybe it might have suffered from actual employment.  Although, using the word “actual” is a little sketchy, given the fact that I’m only technically (two “ly” words in a row just doesn’t work, does it?) a “contract attorney.”  For those not in the know (and I certainly wasn’t until I finally started looking for a job), basically means a temp-attorney.  Just like temp workers, with the exception of admission to the Bar and scale of pay, temp-attorneys are given monotonous grunt work.  To make it worse, the employment is with a high-powered law firm who pays their attorneys about 654 times what they pay us.  However, I do take solace in the fact that I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to work for the firm.

Well, I also take solace in the fact that I’m still getting paid reasonably well.  Unfortunately, though, it’s only a temp position, so this is no way to make a living.  It’s just a way to get by and pay off some credit card bills.  The student loans still await.

But hey, yeah, the whole working a monotonous job has basically limited the range of possible thoughts and creativity.  As such, even if I have a topic for a weblog, it really just sits on my desktop taunting me.  Topics are one thing, writing a full piece is another.  For instance, my wife and myself made the mistake of visiting the Mall of America yesterday for our normal Sbarro’s/Panda Express visits (just guess who goes to which).  This is a topic I’ve written on a few times in the past, and to my chagrin, the mall was completely packed. 

Now, in a normal post, I would rant about this, and about the absolutely freakingly annoying teen girls in front of me at Sbarro’s (and, oh my Bob, were they annoying.  I’m a stickler for line protocol, and when someone steps out of line (sometimes literally), I just want to slap them.  The girls here, for whatever reason, decided that moving up in line when people in front of them moved up was a silly concept.  Instead, they decided it a million times better to stay in their same position and continue gabbing about I don’t know what.  Of course, while this would have been thoroughly annoying in itself, I was at the MOA, and a packed one at that.  As such, my two annoying teenage females had some help.  A father walked up to Sbarro’s with his two kids and instead of standing in line, decided to walk up close to the storefront to survey the merchandise.  Yeah, pizza.  Hard decision.  Must get up very close to determine exactly what Sbarro’s had to offer.  And then he just stood there, a foot or so to the side of the girls. 

And here’s where (is it against procedure to start a new paragraph in the middle of a parenthesis?) the girls truly abandoned line protocol.  Instead of securing their position in line by moving up a bit, or making it clear that they were next, they continued to stand there and gab.  WHY WEREN’T THESE GIRLS AT PANDA?!?!  The father looked to be a threat to cut in line.  I was already waiting in line for way too long (in the sense that there was a line to begin with.  I mean, seriously, why was the MOA so busy?  As far as I remember, Christmas was last month.  Yeah, I know, I know, it’s kind of cold out, but what exactly has the MOA to offer that means the parking lots will be completely full, and the food court packed at 1:00?), and I was actually about to part with my normal passiveness and tell the father to shove off.  Well, I was more about to ask the girls if they were planning on continuing to stay in the line, as that would have been more polite, but then the father finally moved and took the spot in line behind me.  I was saved.  Almost.

The girls still hadn’t moved up, and there was absolutely no one in front of the serving guy.  They were next, yet refused to acknowledge that being next meant they had the responsibility of following through in being next.  To make matters worse, they were facing more toward me, behind them, than they were toward Sbarro’s.  They must have seen the anguish in my face, and one of them finally turned around and ordered.  The other, however refrained from ordering.  Apparently she wasn’t going to be eating then.  Well, that’s fine with me.  Anyway, yes Sbarro’s man, a slice of cheese and a couple breadsticks (it’s sad that every time I go to Sbarro’s at the MOA I ponder whether or not I actually have to tell them what I want instead of them just giving it to me). 

Thinking that my line protocol worries were over, I started to move over to the next guy to ask for some sauce for the sticks.  Sadly, however, the non-ordering female decided that now was the time to order.  Since this was a service line, I couldn’t just jump past her, especially since that would mean cutting in between the two females (although, in retrospect, that’s probably what I should have done), and the fact that I still needed my sauce.  The girls finally moved over to the register to pay, and waited to do absolutely anything until they were told their totals.  Both of them finally pulled their purses off of their shoulders, took a long time in opening them, searched them to find the wallet, opened the wallet, searched for the money inside the standard far-too-large-wallet-slash-checkbook-that-women-tend-to-carry, and finally handed the cashiers their cash (with the extended effort of finding change within their wallets with which to pay with.  Seriously, women.  Change is meant to sit in a drawer or jar for years, and then cashing in eventually at a bank, it is not meant to be used as currency).  Woo-hoo, I’m nearly to the cashier myself! 

I really had been deluding myself repeatedly during this whole process, because I had neglected to notice that the girls had not yet grabbed napkins, straws, plasticware, or their drinks.  Additionally, I forgot that they had to do the whole payment process thing in reverse.

Nearly in tears, I approached the cashier after the girls left, and made the transaction within seconds.  I think he felt for me.

So then I had to find a table in the zoo that was the food court (seriously, “zoo”?  Why “zoo”?  I don’t think I’ve ever seen a bunch of anything packed together in a zoo.  Most often what I see is an empty field, besides which is an informational plaque telling me what I should be seeing if the animal hadn’t done the wise thing and disappear from sight).  In a way, it was a good thing that Panda and Sbarro’s are at opposite ends, since that allowed me to walk towards my wife and still look for a table.  There was nothing.  Absolutely nothing at all.

And then my eyes spied an opening, a table right in the middle of the walkway.  Fantastic!  I could sit down (how simple my happiness after the horror that was Sbarro’s)!  As usual, however, in a food court land, the table was covered in so much food-product that it had to be sandblasted in order to not have to vaccinate oneself before even thinking of sitting down (and how does this happen, one would normally ask.  I mean, they give you plates, trays, and napkins.  The food itself usually is created in such a way as to not spill.  So, how does this happen – again, one would normally ask.  Me, I just accept).  I used my extra napkins, happy I grabbed extra, to clean off at least the non-sticky substances on top of the table.  The sticky stuff, that would just have to stay.  There was no moving, after all.  And then I proceeded to wait 10 minutes for my wife who, while she did not have a similar experience to the horror that was Sbarro’s, apparently had an extremely long line.  Seriously, pizza vs. Chinese food?  How does Chinese food win?  Really, I’m just glad it does, or else I’d have even more lines at Sbarro’s), but I just don’t have the mindset or patience to write about them.  Or, for that matter, about the predictably dirty table that I came upon as the only oasis of the food court. 

Cheers,
Charlie

The Direction of Comrus / 153 Superimposed Marios

Well now, I’m a little perplexed as to what to do with this site.  In its old location, it was basically a personal weblog with a spin.  That is, I tried to make the posts more about the story and the humor, and less about the mundane details of my daily life, so as to interest a wider audience and not just people that know me.  With the new location, I will continue to aim toward this audience, but the question I ask myself is if every post should have the same basic format as the last.  That is, should every post basically be narratives of events and thoughts in my life, or should I include other type of posts, such as links and commentary to things that interest me. 

I have basically decided that, at least for the time being, this site will be more an amalgam of different types of posts.  I’ll still have the same types of posts as at the previous location, but will also include some other random bits that I think others might find interesting.  Some of these are likely to be very short (most, probably, given how much time I usually have to compose posts), as the following will be.

 

So, let’s get to it.

 

Every now and then I come across something on the Internet that renews my love for the some of the things it can produce.  And usually, it’s something that appeals to my extremely geeky side.  This time, it’s a Super Mario World video. 

 

Hey, hey!  Come back!  No, no, this is quite interesting, at least for those who have even a passing interest in older-school games.  It’s a video of an extremely difficult self-created Super Mario World level.  What sets this video apart from most homemade level videos is that not only is the level incredibly difficult, but the video superimposes all 153 attempts at finishing the level.

 

It’s actually quite hard to describe.  As such, it’s better just to watch the video:

 

 

 

(Thanks to Geeknights for the link).

Cheers,
Charlie

 

The Best of Comrus: The Minnesota State Fair

Since it’s finally starting to get warm outside, I can’t help but think of what the summer has in store for us, as well as what comes at the end of summer: the Minnesota State Fair.  As such, what better way to start off the “Best Of” posts than with a State Fair post?

This originally appeared on August 31, 2006 at http://weblog.xanga.com/ComRus/524803174/minnesota-state-fair-i-had-to-try-this-title-thing.html 

Ah, the Minnesota State Fair… my stomach is finally settled.  I kid.  My stomach actually settled by the morning.  I topped myself in the amount of food consumed this year, but it was basically at the expense of beer, so it’s hard to say whether I came out on top.

The day started, of course, with the pronto-pup.  The day must start with the pronto-pup.  For those who don’t know (i.e. non-Minnesotans), the pronto-pup is basically a corndog but the hotdog is dipped into a wheat-based batter rather than a corn-based batter.  It is far and away better than the corndog, although many a riot has been started at the fairgrounds over just this issue.  Naturally corn-dog people are wrong, but they just don’t listen to reason.  It’s a similar argument as to which stand has the best mini-donuts.  Some people say Tiny Tim, and the right people say Tom Thumb. 

The Tom Thumb donut.  When I was a kid, we would come early in the morning before anything was open except food stands, and the first thing we would do on our walk in would be to head to the Tom Thumb mini-donut stand.  My dad would inevitably order approximately 453 bags for the five of us, and we’d go sit in the audience of some long-dead by now Minnesota morning show.  Channel five, I think.  The donuts were great, nice and hot, and the sugar granules would stick perfectly to the donut.  And that’s the main difference between Tom Thumb and Tiny Tim, the sugar granules actually stuck to Tom Thumb donuts while they fell to the bottom of Tiny Tim bags.  Oh, I’ve heard arguments that this isn’t so, but through my experience, it definitely is.

Another argument, but definitely involving fewer people than the other two arguments, is which cheese curds are best.  I’m of the position that the stand outside the food building on the north side is better than the stand inside, but the only reason I hold this position is because my family says it’s so.  So every year, the cheese curds are purchased at the stand outside the food building.

And onto the next food adventure…  You see, the State Fair is different things to different people, but to most, a huge part is the food.  For me, it’s almost exclusively the food.  I see it as a sort of a challenge to hit all my goals: pronto-pups, Italian Fries, Cheese Curds, Roasted Corn-on-the-Cob (dipped in a butter-bath.  Such an ingenious invention.  How can I register for one for our wedding?), Mini-donuts (and, as previously mentioned, they must be Tom Thumb mini-donuts), and Sweet Martha’s Chocolate Chip Cookies (a bucket, of course.  If you’re given the option of purchasing any food product by the bucket, how can you not choose the bucket?). 

Many people go to the Fair to check out the local news buildings, the kids’ artwork, the animal barns, the odd items on sale, and the musical acts at the bandshells.  But those are secondary to me.  The food comes first, and those things are just diversions to let myself digest.  They’re basically the same every year, which is both a good thing and a bad thing.  It’s bad because it can get tiring seeing the same stuff you saw the previous 15 years, but it’s good because it gives you a sense of familiarity.  The State Fair is a right of passage of summer for Minnesotans, and without the repetition, where’s the real tradition?  

Oh sure, some things have changed over the years.  Sand castles came and went, Machinery Hill (where farm equipment is on display) is no more, and every year features yet another item on-a-stick, but so much is the same.  The Ye Olde’ Mill, the Giant Slide, the Haunted Mansion, the Salsa-chopper-thing sold at the Grandstand along with the super sponge/cloths that soak up two-liters of pop with only a square-inch of material, and the various demonstrations.

And the cows.  There’s no good reason for it, but we like to look at cows in late August here in Minnesota.  No other time of year would we care to pay them any mind, but come late August, people line up to look at the animals.  Well, not really line up, but many make a strong effort to get a glance at some.  We did, for reasons I’m still not sure of.  It’s just a compulsion one has when at the fair.

There is a weird pattern that began a few years ago that has exploded all over the Fair (and everywhere else that draws a crowd, for that matter).  Apparently, you cannot buy normal size strollers anymore.  In a culture where bigger is better, parents are purchasing strollers the size of SUVs.  Strollers that take up three square blocks for a single stroller, and five square blocks for a double.  People in crowds already have done ingenious jobs of blocking you from getting anywhere, but these strollers are the work of a madman.  When you’re trying to pass two slow walkers, who, because they are meandering, are taking up the space of 10 people, the last thing you need to be coming the other way is a stroller that could bulldoze a house. 

Hmm, but that’s bordering on complaining, and as for the MN State Fair, there can be no complaining.  It’s all good, darn it.  Even when I dropped my Peanut Roll to the ground immediately after purchasing it, I didn’t complain.  I picked it up, brushed it off, and dropped it into the plastic bag the Fiancée was holding (so that I could eat it later) which she immediately dropped to the ground because she wasn’t expecting me to drop it in.  It’s all good.  I took a little of Dan Patch Avenue with me.  I opened it up today, and the cursed Roll was still fantastic. 

And as we discuss State Fair food, I cannot leave out the Luigi’s Fries (aka Italian Fries).  I believe I might just be the only person who really likes these things, and I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who craves these things.  What they are is really basic.  They’re warm breadsticks topped off with a lot of melted mozzarella, with a side of marinara sauce for dipping.  The “Fries” themselves are quite good, but there’s just something perfect about the marinara that makes them fantastic.  Sure, in the end it might be something as simple as Prego (though I highly doubt that it’s actually Prego), but you cannot go wrong with bread, cheese, and a good tomato/marinara sauce. 

The “Fries” were the second thing I had at the fair, and if not for my rule that you cannot repeat food (so that you have room for other food), I would have had a second order.  I’m still craving them today.  In fact, we had breadsticks and cheese in the fridge, and I had a marinara of sorts in the cabinets, so I went ahead and made some.  It just wasn’t the same (or even close, for that matter), and I will now crave them until next year.  Should have had a second order.

And the Fair day ended as it usually does.  The stomach is too full, the legs are too tired, and we still needed to purchase the bucket of cookies.  I cannot leave the fair without the bucket of cookies.  They serve you the bucket with so many cookies on top that you cannot close the lid until you’ve eaten approximately 25 cookies (for once, this is not an exaggeration).  Last year, it’s what killed us.  This year, we had a baggie to take the cookies we couldn’t eat.  However, we did give it the college try.  You have to.  The State Fair officials won’t let you leave unless you at least try to finish off the top of the cookie bucket.

Off to the parking lot, and off to the long wait for the park-and-ride shuttle in a parking lot full of gravel, where you stand in a catatonic state and the reality hits you of just how much you ate and how much walking you did.  Please, God, MAKE THE BUS COME NOW!  It does, eventually, and you drive home and pass-out.  Ah, I love the Fair.

Cheers,
Charlie

 

The New Non-Political RumpusGoopus Weblog (a.k.a. Comrus)

Welcome to the RumpusGoopus non-political weblog (a.k.a. The Comrus Weblog).  This weblog (undoubtedly, I will later explain why I don’t use the term “blog”), like The RumpusGoopus Weblog, originally existed at a different location.  The previous location was at www.xanga.com/comrus.  This weblog was created so as to have an outlet to write about non-political topics without muddling it up with the political content usual to RumpusGoopus.

Unfortunately, due to time constraints, I won’t update this weblog too often, but I feel it necessary to have a non-political, sometimes humorous, outlet.  It’s really all explained at the previous location.

Anyway, it might be a while before new posts begin.  In the meantime, please enjoy some of the “best of Comrus” posts.

Cheers,
Charlie