I Won the Laziest British Lottery

My wife and I may be the only people on earth who love to receive scam emails.  We just very much enjoy stupidity.  That may be why we enjoy Judge Judy so much: stupidity, and someone to yell at the stupidity.  Such stupidity doesn’t shine much brighter than in the misspellings and bad grammar in scam emails attempting to be official-looking (and let me tell you, whenever someone who was scammed by such a thing appears on Judge Judy, my wife and I revel in the shear bliss of it all).

However, I’ve been very disappointed by the scam emails I’ve gotten of late.  When I get a scam email, I expect it to be quite long, use British Pounds, and link to a BBC article as a source of legitimacy.  Much to my chagrin, I received this the other day:

You have been approved for a lump sum pay out of £1.350 Million incashTo claim your prize it is important that you acknowledge your receiptof this correspondence.

Now, seriously.  If you want to scam me, at least put some effort into it, especially since I apparently win the British Lottery multiple times a day.  It doesn’t even say that I won a lottery or anything.  This was such a disappointing attempt that I almost replied to them asking them to get more creative in their scamming.  Without doing so, even the extremely dumb would be fooled.

At minimum, they should say the following (which I just received):

Dear Winner,
Winning Notification
This is to notify you that you have won £250,000.00 in our online email lottery in which e-mail addresses are
picked randomly by computerised balloting, powered by the Internet. Your email address was one of the lucky winners in this year bonnanza draw.
Ref: LSUK/2031/8161/04
Batch: R3/A312-59
Winning number: 08.11.21.32.35.42. {47}
Draw #1055)
To claim your prize, please contact:
Fiduciary Agent MR.BARRINGTON MYCROFT
Email: x@x.co.uk with your
Name,Full Address,Country,Age,Gender,Occupation,Phone.
Tell: +44 703 191 4701
Sincerely,
MRS.KIMBERLY M. DULLE.

See, lottery scams are pretty darn dull.  I much prefer the Nigerian prince emails, as they tend to be much longer allowing for far more misspellings.  But this does satisfy the minimum requirements of scamming.  That is, it tells me “why” I’m getting such money.  And for amusement purposes, it includes bad grammar and misspellings.  It’s not choice, but it’s at least mildly amusing.

The fortunate thing, though, is that even though I don’t remember buying any British Lottery tickets, I’ve apparently won!  The “bonnanza draw” is “powered by the Internet” after all.  Although, I’m not sure why they have numbers if it’s an email address drawing… buy hey, I won!

Cheers,
Charlie